my fifty year old mother is in her room watching iggy azalea videos on youtube
when i came out to mum i said i was bi because at the time i still liked girls and she cracked up laughing and eventually managed to get out “you mean… you actually like girls?”
when i was younger my mum used to tell me i was born a year premature which was just her way of telling me i was a mistake
a+ parenting right there tyvm
i’ve gotta say, it’s really weird to get a text from mum saying she just got back from a night camping in the sahara desert
my mum just ran into my room and told me to take some of our dog’s shit and put it on the neighbours lawn while they’re out, and if i can’t find any to just take a massive dump myself instead
my sisters stole my mum’s phone while she was texting a workmate and added “nigs” to the message and sent it, then when he replied with “nigs? i’m not sure i like that” they answered with “deal with it nigs” so he started calling her wogs oh my god
So my family were playing Cards Against Humanity (idk like a more adult version of Apples to Apples) and to “Daddy, why is Mommy crying?” my mother, who is very accepting of having two gay children, answers with the card “Praying the gay away”
my mum is out for dinner and she just facetimed me from my sister’s phone to show me the meatballs she’s having
she then brought the camera up to show herself and asked me
"do you like my balls?"
i should never have shown my family what facetime is
they all have either an iphone or ipad so my mum now calls my sister through that every night and gets ridiculously excited about it. it’s been over a week and she’s still excited that she can video call her daughter from the couch even though she has a laptop and could’ve gotten skype very easily except apparently skype is the devil’s child or something i don’t even know.
and now my mum and the sister that lives with us will just facetime from the other rooms to speak. like, my sister’s room is right next to mine, close enough that we can yell, and instead of doing that she picked up her phone and called me, so i heard what she had to say twice. once through the wall, and the second time her speaking to me through facetime.
my mum just told me she signed up to twitter so she can follow me
um hi no what are you doing my sisters already do okay not you as well
Mum (to my sister over FaceTime): Hey, Casey, I've got an idea for a fun game. We can FaceTime starving children in Africa and make them watch us eat!
Casey: You're a disgusting person. That's going on the internet.
mum bought the new ipad and i want to make comments about her trying to learn how to use it but she told me not to diss her on the internet